Step-Parenting, a lot like being a "mom mom"

Being a step-mom isn't easy, but it's a lot harder than I thought. Personally, I don't have any real experience with step-parenting or step anything for that matter. My parents have been happily married for 38 years! During my high school years, I can't recall any of my close friends' parents being divorced. I dated boys who's parents were no longer together. But none of this constitutes real knowledge of how to be a step-parent or what's "normal" for step-children.

I'm finding that resources for step-parenting is seriously lacking in today's society. So far, in NC, I haven't found any support groups in my area or classes either state funded or otherwise. Divorce is a nation wide epedemic. I've researched statistics from the CDC, Census Bureau and various online sources for divorce stats. These numbers are stagering!

• 52-62% of all first marriages will end in divorce.
• 60% of all divorces involve children.
• 75% of divorced persons will remarry.

That is a lot of step-parents and step-children all the way around!
Here are some numbers that just irk me; of children under the age of 18:

• 76% live with both biological parents.
• 10% live with a biological mother.
• 0.6% live with a biological father.

Just over one half of a percent live with their father?? What?!?  Why? Now, as I stated before, I grew up with both of my parents living under the same roof happily but that is not to say that I don't understand what a deadbeat dad is. I have many friends and family that have dealt with fathers that are less than enthusiastic about their children. What I guess I don't understand is that as a nation we've chosen to label the majority of fathers as horrible role models for our children so much so that not even 1% of the population live with their father the majority of the time? I can not believe this to be the truth. But enough on this topic, we could discuss this for days. Lets get back to step-parenting!

I wanted to bring to light the above numbers as a wake up call to show just how many step-families there are out there. Recent studies suggest that 1 in every 3 Americans is in some way in a step-family member, that over half of all Americans have been, are now or will be in a step-situation at some point in their lives. With all these numbers and figures showing the huge numbers of step-families in America why aren't there more resources available?

What is truly sad is the failure rate of second and third marriages. Up to 67% of second marriages fail and nearly 75% of all third marriages. This should send red flags that these people need help! I need help!! I'm one of the 75% that remarry; I'm one of those 60% involving children; I am in the over 50% that is currently in a step-family situation right now!

I have now found facebook  to truly be an invaluable source of support. There are several pages for stepmoms to vent and seek advice. But I still would like to find support closer to home. Maybe I should start one....

Rough Bedtime

I let E go to bed late this evening. This isn't usually a problem but tonight was a bit different. When E was 5mo old Hubs deployed for a year. While this effected him greatly, the impact on E wasn't that big of a deal. While he missed all of her "firsts" it took her all of 3 days to cling to him and call him Daddy. There was a time almost 2yrs ago when he spent a couple of weeks in Korea, we even drove him to the airport and picked him up. She wasn't bothered by this time either. But tonight something happened, it's day 6 of this field op and E just seemed to realize that Daddy hasn't been home for awhile. Hubs left super early on Monday morning and E didn't get to give him a hug and kiss goodbye. She hasn't been able to talk to him either (neither have I!). Since Hubs usually does the bedtime routine with her, reading and prayers, they seem to have a special night time bond and ritual. We walked down the hallway to her room and she asked if Daddy was coming home tomorrow and of course, I told her that no next Friday. When I went to tuck her in and read her a story, her little lip was quivering and tears were welling up. I asked her what was wrong, she sobbed a bit and said that she missed Daddy. Instantly, I got a lump in my throat. I miss him too. I immediately couldn't help but think that there will be a time when Daddy has to deploy and what then? Last deployment was hard enough but with her being older I expect the next time will be much harder. This is just a sample of what will probably come. Good news, we're on large base and there will be more activities and help with the separation. For now, I'll take the same advice I gave E tonight, when you pray, pray a little harder for Daddy.

Settling in.

It's day 3 of Hubs field op and my 3rd day alone with both kids. I'm not getting a whole lot done around the house such as laundry, cleaning and even dishes. When he is gone it sure hits home how much he really does help out. Now, that's not to say that he does any laundry or cleaning, although he does do dishes. No, I'm talking about just his presence here does quite a bit. Knowing that he'll be coming home means that I work a little harder at making sure dinner is ready for him and clothing needs to be washed too. I try to keep up with the dishes and general upkeep of the house too. He doesn't expect that from me, in fact sometimes I don't even think he notices but I do. I left the dishes in the sink OVERNIGHT! Something I never do! I had the rational thought last night that who would care it's just me in the house. Ugh! Am I crazy? If he had done something like that during the week I would have been seriously irritated!  I'm starting to see that those little things that bug me that pile up into something big that I eventually will have a complete meltdown over, those things, they are stupid! There I said it, I admit that I want to fight and argue about stupid things. WOW that was quite liberating! For the next couple of weeks I'm going to really work on "letting go and letting God." I'm going to work on "not sweating the small stuff." Life is so precious and really very short. We don't know when we'll be called "home." I had a brutal reminder of just that this past Monday. An old friend of mine from high school lost his dad. It was quick and sudden as his dad was only 58. Just saying that brings tears to my eyes. I never want to leave an "I love you" or a "great job" unsaid. Never want to have "what if" moments of opportunity undone. Like the saying goes; yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

Monday Madness!

Mondays always seem to very hectic! The week starts off and it feels as though I've spent the whole weekend doing nothing to get prepared for the upcoming days. Ugh. I need a routine. For me the hardest part about routines is that I over analyze things. I try to plan every detail and make the schedule to rigid. Then when the unforeseeable happens my plan goes out the window and I have an epic FAIL! I actually love routines. I love lists and order. Rules are my best friends! To me, it helps make sense in a world that is sometimes so chaotic.

It was my goal this afternoon when I picked E up from school, to start my organization by have her help me complete a morning routine for her. She needs to understand how she can help get herself ready for school. Right now, I've got to be standing over her the whole time telling her what to do next, this is complicated by the fact that I myself need to get dressed but also by a 8 month old who demands to be fed at the most inopportune time. I also think it is important to give her the tools to be more self reliant too. Then later tonight I sat down with the Hubs and we worked out some "chores", an afternoon routine and a bedtime routine. I never had chores growing up but think it is important for children to feel as though they are a vital part of family life and therefore it is a requirement to help out. We gave her simple chores such as; making sure the puppies have food and water, helping unload the dishwasher (just the utensils!), helping with laundry (she can put away some of her clothes, sort socks and fold hand towels and washcloths), washing the table and setting it for dinner. With the bed time routine, we made sure to schedule time for all the necessary things like brushing of teeth and bath time but we also paid close attention to scheduling play time and reading time. After finishing this post I'm going to type all this up with pictures that help identify each task (E can't read yet). I'm hoping this will make the rest of the week smoother!

Welcome!

Hello world! My first post, probably more anti-climatic than anything.

So, my goal is to be super diligent with this blog. I hope to chronicle my life as a mother and a wife. Life is interesting and sometimes help is needed. I hope to gain understanding and wisdom by sharing my experiences with all of you, well those that stumble on here, and having you share your wisdom!

I'll give you a little more info about me and my family so that you can understand our lifestyle a bit better.

I used to work for a cell phone company in a retail store doing customer service, now I'm a stay at home mom. And let me tell you, the Mom Job is a lot more work. The worst thing that ever happened at "work" was an angry customer calling me names and throwing their phone at me and that's before I ever greeted them! This Mom Job, I've been pooped and puked on, changed super toxic dirty diapers and all while being sick! There are no "sick days" at my Mom Job either!

Hubs is a US Marine and has been for the past 17 years! Only 3 more and he can retire, whoa, that's a scary thought. The Hubs and I have been married for 6 years, we have 2 gorgeous children, movie star quality, I'm sure. Dear daughter E is 5yo and our son X, was born in January of this year. Hubs has a son from a previous marriage, C just turned 11 this month. Being a step-parent is harder than I thought it would be. Of course, when dealing with ex-spouses a little animosity is to be expected. I will most certianly need the most help in this area!

Now most importantly, my love for God. I received my 3 sacraments this last Easter Vigil! Was so exciting! I love my Catholic faith and truly can't wait to share that with all of you as well! I've been turning to faith a lot this past year. Funny how He always knows the right things to say... I find that when I'm needing an encouraging word or validation I turn on the radio (K-LOVE) or see a post from any of my sisters and brothers in Christ (Christian Military Wives, Proverbs 31 Lady, Wives of Faith, Focus on the Family, Women of Faith and my good friend Worship and Word-Radio).

Now it's off to take X to his check-up and receive shots, he is overly excited about it.